Monday, February 10, 2020

Birthdays

Holidays are pretty special around here.
Christmas - tree cutting, fondue, cinnamon rolls, the tradition of it all.
4th of July - the Georgetown parade and fireworks.
Thanksgiving - a Thanksmas dinner at the Stuckys.

Birthdays though are a HUGE deal.
On their birthday, I want my kids to feel like the most important person alive.
Every year, I hang streamers in their rooms and dining room.
The table is decorated with the theme they have chosen.
A homemade cake of their choice serves as the focal point.
They get to choose the entire menu for the day.
Presents.  Balloons.
Activities - parties - friends - outings.

I even started celebrating 1/2 birthdays when they were young.
It began with a 1/2 birthday cake.
After awhile, we grew tired of eating cake, so now, they get to spend $5.00 at Starbucks or at the grocery store buying a treat.

It's been difficult being married to someone who does not have the same commitment to making one feel loved on their birthday.
This year, he simply never got around to buying me a present or planning anything special.
On the evening of February 7, Sawyer told me that "dad didn't get you anything for your birthday."
I fell apart.  Tears.  Heartache.
I hoped he was kidding, but he was not.
Unfortunately, this is not the first time.  There have been other forgotten birthdays and Christmases!

At 7am, Sawyer was up hanging streamers and blowing up balloons for me.
He knew I was heartbroken.  He got it.
Liberty baked a cake for me.
My mom planned dinner and presents at Shawn's
My sister decorated her home for me.

Meanwhile, a day later, an apology has still not been given.
Recognition for his mistake has not been recognized.
While I don't expect him to change, I do hope that one day he will see how his lack of planning and thoughtlessness is so very hurtful.

I love my husband.
I am so very blessed to be married to him.
My great hope is that he will also feel blessed and desire to show those feelings in practical ways!
Another hope is that God will heal this sad heart of mine.
I pray that He will continue to be all that I need and that my identity will genuinely be found in Him.
It doesn't seem too much to hope that my husband will remember my birthday, but that hope has led to great heartache.  I have yet to figure out how to guard against that pain.