I struggle with anger.
There. I said it.
I am bent toward a prophetic motive.
Black and white is the lens through which I see.
Right and wrong.
I have to work hard to see grey.
Being a a victim of abuse most certainly plays a role in my anger.
As abuse victims, our desire is to see justice done.
"He should pay for what he did to me."
For me personally, justice cannot be done, as my grandfather is no longer living.
I have found that when there is no justice, anger follows.
Unfortunately, that anger carries over into other areas of life.
I see it in my own life.
I get angry with my kids when they are disrespectful and dishonoring.
I get angry when my husband treats me harshly.
I get angry when friends say hurtful words.
Why? Because I believe that "I deserve to be treated better than that."
It is hard for me to sit back and take treatment that I feel I don't deserve ...
and not want to seek justice or even revenge.
My anger gets the best of me.
Then, repentance must follow.
It's a sinful cycle.
But as I meditate on the words of Scripture, especially those on anger, I am convicted.
James 1:20 stands out ... when I consider the fact that my anger does not produce the righteousness that God requires.
If I truly believe that God uses all things for my good and His glory,
then nothing that happens to me is outside of his omniscience.
He knows everything that happens.
He intends to use everything I experience to produce righteousness in me,
and thereby bring glory to His name.
God requires righteousness.
In Scripture, God says again and again, "Be holy as I am holy."
He uses every event and circumstance to bring about holiness and righteousness.
I must submit myself to how He would choose to work that in me.
But so often, my anger gets in the way of that process.
Daily I must submit myself to Him.
Daily I must repent for my mistakes.
Daily I must realign my will with His.
Daily I must try, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to keep my anger at bay.
It's a life long process.
But one, that at the end of my lifetime, will prove to have been worth it all.
When, at last, I stand face to face with my Heavenly Father.
When I look into His eyes, and experience His love as He longs to show me,
all the pain and hardships will be long forgotten.